(scene starts in the penthouse living room)
Jessie: Kids,hurry up! You'll be late for school! We only have... (looks at watch,bus leaves in 30:00) 30 minutes! The bus waited so long yesterday,a tow truck showed up!
Zuri: OK,I'm ready for school! Where's my leaf project?
Jessie: You didn't do it? It's due today?
Zuri: Jessie,we have a deal! I put stuff off until the last minute, and you do it for me!
Jessie: I told you I wouldn't do that anymore after I had to play George Washington in your school's history pageant. By the way,nailed it!(laughs)
Zuri: I cannot tell a lie...your performance stunk!
Jessie :I had nothing to work with! The kid playing Martha was as wooden as my teeth!
Zuri: Whatever. I'll come up with something.
Jessie: That's what you said about your volcano project!
Zuri: And,I got it done!
Jessie: You turned in a photo of a pimple on Bertram's back!
Zuri: It was perfect! I caught it right before it erupted!
Jessie: (hands Zuri backpack) All you had to do was collect and label 30 leaves. You should've started this a week ago.
Zuri: You should've given me that advice a week ago! You're such a procrastinator!(walks away)
Emma: (walks down the stairs) Jessie,major crisis! Two different guys just asked me to the Walden carnival this afternoon!
Jessie: Are they both horrible jerks with dead end jobs,who make you pick up the check because they left their wallet in their girlfriend's car? (smiles)
Jessie: Then I can't relate. (pause) Get dressed! We only have 29 minutes!
Emma: How can I pick an outfit when I haven't picked a date? Besides,I don't have anything to wear!
Jessie: Your closet is like a mall! It has an escalator! And a food court!
Jessie: Now get up there,get dressed,and bring me back one of those big soft pretzels!
(Emma walks away)
Jessie: Luke? Any chance you're ready?
Luke: (walks in from the TV room) Almost. (yawns and stretches)
Jessie: Wha, did you stay up all night watching movies again?
Luke: No,I played some video games,too!
Jessie: Get dressed!
Luke: No problem! I'm on it! (falls on the couch)
Jessie: No,no,no,no. (pulls Luke) Why is it always so difficult to get you guys out the door on time?
Ravi: My art class project is complete,and,as usual,I am ready!
Jessie: (sighs) Great job, Ravi!
Ravi: (walks down the stairs,drops art project) (gasps) I am not ready! (in shock)
(theme song plays)
(scene changes to the kitchen,bus leaves in 25:00)
Jessie: (walks into the kitchen) Nothing on the table, nothing on the stove, you might be taking this "light breakfast" concept a little far!
Bertram: I'm trying!
Jessie: Well,try harder! I promised Christina I would do a better job of getting the kids to school on time. And quit taking her helicopter to yoga class.
Bertram:The grocery store started using this stupid delivery app! I placed the order like 30 times! It's not working!
Jessie:Well,you need to enter a password!
Bertram:Why do you say that?
Jessie:Because this error message says "Please enter a password." (grabs phone) Here, say it into the phone.
(phone beeps and buzzes)
Jessie:It didn't hear you.
(Bertram takes phone,phone beeps)
Jessie:Hey,well it worked,but it says the food won't be here for 25 minutes,so can you please grab us breakfast at the deli?
Bertram:You mean actually go out and gather food myself? Like a caveman?
Jessie:Or better yet,you can grab some food at the snack stand at the park,and take Zuri with you,so she can collect her leaves.
Bertram:No way. Going outside before noon is against everything I stand for.
Jessie:When do you stand?(walks to living room)Zuri,are you rea-uh-oh.
(Zuri pulling a rope)
Jessie:There's no good answer to this,but what's the rope for?
Zuri:I saw a nice leafy plant on Mrs.Chesterfield's terrace,(grunting)so I lassoed it,and I'm bringing it up!
Jessie:You know,there is a park across the street! You know what you can find there?
Zuri:Tourists? Muggers? Mimes? Am I getting warm? 'Cause I got some leaves to collect!
Jessie:I know,that's why Bertram's taking you to the park! They have these giant leaf holders there called trees!
Zuri:OK,guess I won't be needing this then!(throws rope,crashes) Sorry,Zeus! (runs away)
(Jessie closes the door)
Ravi:Jessie,I cannot recreate my plaster mask of Mrs.Kipling! It takes five minutes to harden,and she refuses to sit still for it again!
Jessie:Maybe you could bribe her with a rat?
Ravi:She is a penthouse lizard now. She only eats rats that are slow-roasted in an heirloom tomato reduction. And I do not have the time.
Jessie:You could just tie her down...
Jessie:Or we could just find another model...who can't eat us.(nods)
Ravi:(nods)Fine with me! Any suggestions?
(Luke snores on the couch)
Jessie:(looks at Luke)Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Ravi:That Luke should be checked for a deviated septum?
Jessie:Yes,but also he can be your model! Now get to work,before he wakes up!
Ravi:I cannot make a mold of Luke's face without permission!
Jessie:Then you'll have to turn it in late! You can't get an A every time! I didn't,and look at me now!
Ravi:I will get the plaster.(walks away)
(bus leaves in 22:05)
Jessie:Emma,(knocks on the door)you'd better be dressed! You have to be out the door in 22 minutes!
Emma:I still haven't decided who to go out with! Michael's a preppy,but Blake's a leather jacket kind of guy! There's nothing I can wear that goes with both those looks!
Jessie:OK,how about you make a pro and con list?
Emma:Good idea! Ooh,do I have enough glitter?
(scene changes to park,bus leaves in 21:30)
Bertram:(takes a bag)The guy at the snack stand hadn't started cooking yet,so all I got was a bunch of ingredients. But,like I always say,when life gives you eggs,make a frittata!
Zuri:You never say that.
Bertram:So,did you get all your leaves?
Zuri:Yep. I grabbed everything I saw that was green. If we pass by a kid looking for his lunch money,keep walking.(walks with Bertram)
(scene changes to penthouse living room,bus leaves in 21:05)
Jessie:Ravi,be careful with that. You don't wanna wake him up.
Ravi:Impossible. Remember out trip to the Pittsburgh Powertool Festival? He slept through the whole thing. By the way,terrible vacation idea.
Jessie:Hey,they gave out free drill bits and stud finders!
Luke:(wakes up)Huh? What's going on?
(all look at Luke)
Luke:(puts hand on face)Wait a minute! I can't see! Oh,no! Aliens have landed and stolen my eyeballs!(waves hands)
Ravi:Or there is cotton on your eyes.
Luke:(throws cotton)(feels mask)Is this glue on my face?
Jessie:Luke,I would never allow Ravi to put glue on your face while you slept. It's quick-drying plaster!
Ravi:I needed a model for my project,and you happened to be both nearby and unconscious. You are what we in the plaster business call "mold gold".
Jessie:Don't worry,Luke. The mask is completely harmless.
Luke:Then why didn't you do it?
Jessie:Are you kidding? I'm not gonna rick my moneymaker!
Ravi:(watch beeping)The five minutes are up. I will pop this off in a jiffy!
Luke:Uh,are you sure it won't hurt?
Ravi:Everything will be fine.(pulls mask,grunts)(stops pulling)Uh-oh!
Luke:"Uh-oh" what? Why isn't it coming off?
Ravi:Uh,there is a small chance that in my haste,I forgot to apply the non-adhesive base. Whoopsie!
Luke:(angry)Whoopsie?(tries to run away)
Luke:I'm not going to overreact,I'm going to panic!(pushes mask)
Ravi:Be careful with my mask!
Jessie:Uh,could you try to panic from the neck down?
(scene ends,advertisement break for TV viewers)
(scene resumes,bus leaves in 17:30)
Jessie:You guys are going to be late! Pull harder!
Ravi:I am trying to be gentle!(grunts)
Jessie:There's no time to be gentle! I'm getting a crowbar.
Ravi:No,please! I need this face in one piece!
Luke:And I need the one under it!
(Bertram and Zuri enter from the elevator)
Bertram:I got the groceries!
Zuri:I got the leaves!
Bertram:Breakfast is coming up.
Luke:Great! I'm starving!
Bertram:I'll just blend yours up,and you can drink it through one of tour nose straws.
(Luke touches straws)
Jessie:Emma,do I need to remind you that you are one tardy away from being suspended?
Emma:If you keep asking me questions,I'm going to be late,and it'll be all your fault!(walks up the stars)
Jessie:Stay calm,stay calm. Ravi,try not to hurt your brother.(walks up the stairs)If you need me,I'll be upstairs,trying not to hurt your sister.(runs)
(Ravi looks in shock,school bus leaves in 16:45)
Jessie:Emma,what is taking (slowly) so much...glitter?
Emma:I did exactly what you suggested and made pro and con lists for my two potential dates.
Jessie:OK,I'm starting to see the cons of suggesting that!
Emma:Michael's pros are he's super-sweet,smart,and easy to talk to. On the con side,(turns page)
(Michael smiling like a mean boy)
Jessie:He's OK looking,why do you have his picture under cons?
Emma:Because this is Blake:(turns page)
(Blake smiling too much)
Jessie:Whoa,that is a giant pro! Does he have an older bro?
Emma:I don't know.
Jessie:I hope so.
Emma:Are we done?
Jessie:Yes,sorry. So,what are his cons?
Emma:Well,(turns page)he's a little self-absorbed,not the best listener,and he's always running late.
Jessie:Yeah,I can see how annoying that might be!
Emma:Oh,and sometimes the sparkle from his smile can get a little blinding.
Jessie:Emma,just pick one! They both seem fine,and it's not like you're going to marry either of these guys!
Emma:This is more important than marriage! This is high school!(closes door)
Jessie:You're just staying after school for a carnival! It's basically detention with snow cones!(walks away)
(scene changes to kitchen,bus leaves in 15:35)
Ravi:Now,I am going to carefully pry the mask from your face. Remain perfectly still and please remember,skin grows back.(pulls mask with spatula,grunts)
Bertram:Hey,hey,wait!(takes spatula)That's my stainless steel Easy Grip 3000! That's not very sanitary! (shakes spatula)
Jessie:(serves plate)OK,kids,chew as quickly as you can,without biting your tongues off.
Bertram:(serves a cup)One frittata smoothie. Enjoy.
Luke:(picks up cup)Uh...
(Zuri looks at Luke)
(Luke holding straws up and drinking)
Jessie:Zuri,aren't you going to eat?
Zuri:As soon as I get these leaves glued on the poster.(dumps out spinach)Wait,these aren't my leaves!
Bertram:That's the spinach I bought in the park!
Jessie:Well,if that's the spinach,then what's in the spinach frittata?
Zuri;Oh,no! You're all eating my homework!
(Jessie and Ravi gasp)
(Luke continues drinking)
Ravi:Luke,did you not hear Zuri?
Luke:Whatever,it's just some leaves!
Zuri:I also collected some caterpillars for next week's project!
(Luke takes a caterpillar out of his mouth)
(Luke drops caterpillar)
Zuri:Jessie,this is a disaster! What am I gonna do?
Jessie:How 'bout doing your assignments on time from now on?
Zuri:How 'bout people stop cooking my work?(walks away)
Emma:Jessie,I don't know what to do! Maybelle just texted me,and Justin asked her to the carnival,but his sister used to date the cousin of Blake's ex-girlfriend's dog-walker,so if Maybelle says yes to Justin,and I say yes to Blake,this could get complicated!
Jessie:Yeah,yeah,yeah,we wouldn't want that to happen!
(Emma walks away)
Luke:Jessie,I'm scared! I have a cement face,and I just stuffed it with caterpillars!
Jessie:OK,don't worry,I'm sure Ravi can get the plaster off.And those bugs were good,free-range protein.(pats Luke)
(Ravi sharpening knives)
Luke:He's sharpening stuff!(points)
Jessie:(knocks on mask)You'll be fine.
(bus leaves in 13:35)
(Jessie going to TV room)
Jessie:OK,lets make this fast.
Emma:Look! I found an app that takes pictures of two people and created a rendering of what their future kids might look like!
Jessie:I wonder if there's an app that shows what punctual kids might look like!
Emma:So,if Michael and I got married someday,this would be our child:
(screen beeps repeatedly)
(kid that looks like a troll with glasses shows)
Jessie:Ew. He's definitely not going to be on a baby-food jar! Unless it's for baby trolls.(chuckles)
Emma:Hey! That's my troll baby!
Emma:On the other hand,if Blake and I get married someday,this will be our baby:
(screen beeps repeatedly)
(heavenly music plays,screen turns brighter)
(Emma and Jessie stare at the screen and sit down)
Jessie:That's the most beautiful creature I've ever seen!
Emma:Imagine what he'd look like with glitter.
(Jessie looks at Emma strangely)
(bus leaves in 12:40)
(Jessie runs to the living room)
Luke:This is a bad idea!
Jessie:OK,I'm still a little blinded from the beautiful,shiny baby,but it looks you're playing tug-of-war with Luke!
Ravi:I need my mask! Ready?
Ravi:(pulls)On 3,Mrs.Kipling!(grunts) 1,2,3! (pulls off mask)
Luke:Ah,what a relief!(holds face)
(Ravi and Jessie look at Luke's face and mask and shudder and gasp)
Luke:Do I have some of that goop left on my face?
Jessie:(scared)Actually,it's what you don't have on your face!
Luke:I don't get it!
Ravi:(scared)I will give you 2 hints!(shows mask)
(Luke's eyebrows are on the mask)
(Luke looks at the mirror,creepy music plays)
Luke:(screams loudly)(realizes that he has no eyebrows)(runs to the balcony to drop his mask)
(Jessie and Ravi run to the balcony)
Luke:You destroyed my face! So now I'm going to destroy your project,which is also my face!
Ravi:I did not think he was angry!
Jessie:Well,without the eyebrows,it was hard to tell!
(Luke looks at Ravi and Jessie)
(scene ends,advertisement break for TV viewers)
(scene continues,bus leaves in 10:20)
Ravi:Luke,please do not break the mask! If I do not turn it in,I will lose my perfect, 4.0 grade point average!
Jessie:Ravi,you're getting an A in P.E.?
Ravi:P.E. does not count. It stands for "Pointless Exercise".(walks away)
Jessie:OK,Luke,what is it going to take to get you to hand over that mask? We only have(checks watch)10 minutes until the bus comes.
Luke:He's not getting his face back until I get the rest of mine!
Jessie:Way ahead of you. I already called in an expert.(introduces Emma)
Emma:(holding a bag)OK,what's the make-up emergency? Whatever it is,I can fix it. (to Jessie) The first step is admitting you have a problem.
Jessie:My problem is that I'm going to be unemployed if you guys don't stop goofing around. Now,put some make-up on your brother.(drags Luke to a chair)
Emma:(gasps,giggles) Whoa! You look like a freckly little mannequin!
Luke:She is not putting make-up on me! I'm just going to grow them back myself!(grunts and looks up) Is anything growing?
Jessie:Yes,my fear for your future.
Emma:Don't worry,I got this. But first,smile!(takes picture with phone)(chuckles)
Jessie:Oh,well,someone was bound to do it. Now,hold still and let her return you to normal! Or whatever you were before. (To Emma)Nice outfit,by the way,Emma,I'm glad one person is ready to walk out the door!
Emma:Oh,I am so not ready. This is only option 4 out of 10. I'll be lucky to get to school before 7th period.
Ravi:The school day only has 6 periods!
Emma:I know,but after that is when I get all my meetings and trendsetting done.(reaches into her bag)
Jessie:All I did after school was play Chinese Checkers with the librarian. And she'd get really mad when I won. I still have a marble lodged in my ear.(points to her ear)(walks)
Emma:That sounds horrible!
Jessie:(turns back to Emma)Hmm? (yells suddenly)Hurry up!(walks to the living room)Zuri,you'd better be done,because I've been dealing with missing eyebrows,future babies,and masks held hostage,so I don't need leaf problems on top of that.
Zuri:I'm finished,no thanks to you! I can't believe I had to do my homework all by myself! I hope you're happy!
Jessie:I am happy,because that's what you were supposed to do! (points to poster with colorful leaves)What is that?
Zuri:My project! I was supposed to gather 30 different leaves,and these are all different!
Jessie:No,they're all spinach,painted different colors,none of which occur in nature.
Zuri:Hey,my teacher can't prove what we do or do not grow on our private island!(laughs)
Jessie:You may not be the most motivated 4th grader,but you're going to make one heck of a lawyer!
(Luke screams from the balcony)
Jessie:Oh,no! Please don't let anymore of his face be missing!
(bus leaves in 7:35,Jessie runs to the balcony)
Jessie:What is it? What's wrong?
Luke:(pants after looking in the mirror)Look what she did to me!(points to eyebrows)
Jessie:Yeah,OK. I should have seen that coming.
Ravi:Does he not look good,Jessie?(whispers) Tell him he looks good!
Emma:I don't know why he's so cranky! These would cost him 200 bucks downtown!
Luke:That's it!(stands up)I'm not going to school,and neither is this stupid mask!(prepares to throw mask)
Jessie:Luke,don't!(stops Luke from throwing,grunts)No,stop! I know this seems like the end of the world! At school,everyone judges you by how you look! But,someday you'll realize that what's outside isn't so important,it's what's on the inside that matters.
Luke:(angry)Are you out of your mind? I have girl eyebrows!(points to eyebrows)I'll get destroyed at school!
Ravi:On the bright side,the swirly you will undoubtedly receive,will rinse them right off!
(Luke looks at Ravi weirdly)
Jessie:Luke,give back the mask,you're late!
Luke:Tough!(walks to the door)
Jessie:(yells)That's it! I am sick and tired of this! I promised Christina you'd be on time for school,but every morning,it's the same stupid battle! You are old enough to get up,pick out your clothes,do your homework and not rip off your brother's eyebrows without me having to yell at you! Am I clear?
Ravi:By the way,you yelled just a tad.(shows a small amount with his fingers)
Jessie:(yells)I did not! I promised myself I wouldn't yell! OK,now I hear it!
Luke:(talking)So did New Jersey.
(Ravi and Emma chuckle)
Jessie:Luke,give Ravi that mask.
Luke:OK! Here,Ravi! Catch! (throws mask)
(music plays,slow motion starts)
Jessie:No! Ravi can't catch!
(Ravi stands on the fireplace)
(Ravi catches the fireplace while jumping and lands on the couch)
(Ravi puts the mask up)
(end slow motion)
Ravi:Huzzah!(stands up)Luke,perhaps you will take comfort that some small part of you will finally receive an A!(walks to the door)
(Ravi bangs the mask on the door)
(Zuri enters the scene)
Zuri:Suddenly,my leaf project is looking a whole lot better.(nods)
(bus leaves in 5:25,scene changes to living room)
Jessie:Go,go,go,go. Come on. OK,all right,elevator,people! The bus is going to be here any second! Emma,I hope you and Blake enjoy the carnival!
Emma:Actually,I'm going to say yes to Michael.
Jessie:Really? How come?
Emma:It was what you said about the outside not being so important,and that what really counts is on the inside.
Jessie:Y-You mean my speech to Luke worked on you? Aw,(hugs Emma)that is so great! I really needed a nanny-win today! Oh,maybe if I tell you to shower,Luke will do it.
(Emma's phone beeps)
Emma:What? Michael said I was taking too long,so he asked out Maybelle!(sighs)I guess I'll just have to go out with the super-hunk instead. Why does everything happen to me?
Jessie:You'll get through this. You're a survivor.
Luke:Hey,look!(shows new eyebrows)I fixed my eyebrows!
Luke:I borrowed Zuri's marker. These ought to ward off the wedgies.
Ravi:Perhaps I should draw on a pair of those bad boys!(tries to take marker)
Zuri:(moves marker away)You can't pull that off.
Bertram:I just got a confirmation! They're sending up the food I ordered!
(elevator bell dings)
(30 bags in the elevator)
(some bags fall down)
Emma:Whoa! And I thought I had an online shopping problem!
Bertram:I guess I really did submit that order 30 times!(looks at phone)
Jessie:No time to unload all this stuff,but if anyone's still hungry,we have instant oatmeal and some bottled water.(throws things)You can mix it in your mouth on the way down. OK!(pushes elevator button)Have a nice day!
Bertram:Send the groceries back up!
Jessie:And Luke's going to school in his pajamas.
(elevator door closes)
(Bertram and Jessie sit on the couch)
Jessie:(sighs)I am completely exhausted.(crosses her legs)
Bertram:And that wasn't even the worst morning this week.
Jessie:At least we have 7 hours of peace and quiet before they get back.
(both cross legs and moan)
(Luke,Emma,Ravi and Zuri come back to penthouse with the bags in the elevator)
Luke,Emma,Ravi and Zuri:We're back!
(Bertram and Jessie wake up,and scream and stand up)
Jessie:How did you get expelled already? You just left!
Emma:We just got text reminders! All of our classes are canceled!
Ravi:It is parent-teacher conference day!
Jessie:Why didn't they tell you that sooner?
Luke:They did! We just forgot.
(Luke,Emma,Ravi and Zuri jump happily and laugh)
Bertram:Hey! Hey! Stop frolicking on my fontina!(takes cheese and walks away)
Ravi:Better hurry,Jessie! Our teachers do not like to be kept waiting!(pushes Jessie_
Jessie:Wait,you mean,I have to go to school today?
Zuri:Tick tock!(pushes Jessie)
Luke:You're late!(pushes Jessie)
Emma:(pushes Jessie)Guess that outfit will have to do!
Jessie:But I never got breakfast!
Zuri:Well,you should've woken up earlier! Every day,it's the same thing with her!
(Luke,Emma,Ravi and Zuri nod)
Jessie:I'm not going to yell! I'm not going to yell!(elevator doors closing)(screams in the elevator)
(Luke,Emma,Ravi and Zuri move their shoulders up and leave while smiling)
Written by Danielklee92