This is a complete transcript of Creepy Connie 3: The Creepening.
(scene at park)
Luke:Ok,Jessie,give me a pop fly!
(Jessie throws a baseball to Luke)
Luke:I got it... I got it...(groans)
(Mackenzie catches the ball)
Luke:She got it. (to Mackenzie) Hey,nice grab.
Mackenzie:Thanks. I learned from watching Derek Jeter.
Luke:Are you a Yankees fan?
Mackenzie:Of course! There are only two types of people. Those who like the Yankees,and those who have made extremely poor life choices.
Luke:(chuckles) You're funny. You're good at sports,and you're cute. I'm Luke. I'm all those things,too.
Mackenzie:I'm Mackenzie. (gives the baseball back to Luke) Here's your ball back. I wrote my number on it,in case you want to call me sometime.
Luke:(looks at the baseball) Maybe I'll call you soon.
Mackenzie:Maybe I'll answer.
Luke:And... maybe when I'll answer,I'll talk to you.
Mackenzie:That's be weird if you didn't. Till then.
(Connie surprisingly appears out of the bushes with a bush on her hair)
Luke:(shrieks) Creepy Connie!
Jessie:Luke what's the-(yelps)Creepy Connie!(chuckles) Funny seeing you again-(chuckles)I mean,in real life and not just my nightmares.
Connie:Luke,I really need to talk to you.
Luke:Connie,I really need to run away from you!
(Luke leaves the scene)
Jessie:You understand if I-
Connie:I get it.
(Jessie leaves the scene)
(Theme song plays)
(Scene changes to the Empire Skate Building)
Zuri:I can't wait to see the movie in the park tonight.
Emma:Me too. I heard Astro Klutz is like the funniest movie ever.
Boomer:Actually,Emma,I need you to work. We always get a big crowd after these outdoor movies in Central Park.
Emma:Oh, that's okay. I really like working here. This place is like my 10th home.
Bertram:They have 9 others.
Emma:I'm cool working the shack alone. I've come a long way since you asked me to marry the ketchups,and I hired a wedding planner.
(Scene changes to the Ross Penthouse)
Luke:I can't believe Creepy Connie is back from boarding school.
Ravi:I am sure she wishes to rekindle our romance. Poor thing is probably still reeling from our breakup.
Jessie:OK,just stay focused. You never know when Creepy Connie is going to strike.
(Jessie, Luke and Ravi enter the kitchen. Connie takes out a knife.)
(Jessie, Luke, and Ravi scream)
Connie:Guess who made Friendship Fruit Crumble? (stabs the cake) DIE!
(Jessie and Ravi cringe)
Jessie: Guys,Creepy Connie made us a creepy crumble!
Connie: Guys,I'm not creepy anymore! Luke,I have extinguished the torch I once carried for you.
Luke:Uh,it was less of a torch and more of a bonfire.
Ravi:Do you still carry my torch,Connie?
Connie:I'm sorry,you are...?
Ravi:You must be joking. We dated for 2 months. Remember when we held hands for 32 1/2 seconds on Valentine's day?
Connie:Still not ringing a bell.
Jessie:(to Luke)Well,"creepy" just turned into "awkward".(to Ravi)Ravi,why don't you go upstairs?
Ravi:So that I can find proof that Connie and I dated?
Jessie:(laughs) No,no,'cause this is getting hard to watch.
(Ravi leaves the scene)
Connie:Luke,I came here to warn you. Mackenzie's after you!
Luke:Mackenzie? You mean the cool girl I met in the park?
Connie:Mackenzie's not cool. She's my roommate at boarding school. She's a complete weirdo who is totally obsessed with you.
Jessie:Takes one to know one.
Connie:Well,if you think I was bad when I was crushing on Luke,it's nothing compared to Mackenzie. At school,all the girls call her Mad Mac.
Luke:(scoffs) Mackenzie's not mad! And we just met today. How could she be obsessed with me?
Connie:Well,I might have talked about you for 10 months straight...then there was the shrine...and the failed cloning experiment. But,the point is,Mad Mac is after you!
Jessie:Okay,Connie,clearly you're making this up just to keep Luke from dating another girl.
Luke:Well,it won't work.I'm calling Mackenzie to hang out tonight,and there's nothing you can do about it.
Connie:Fine,Luke. It's your funeral.
(Connie leaves the scene)
(Jessie tries to grab a piece of the cake)
Luke:No! What if Connie poisoned it?
Jessie:You're right. We should serve it to Bertram first.
(Jessie puts the cake on the counter)
(scene changes to the park)
Zuri:Emma! You've gotta take a 5 minute break to watch the end of this movie.
Emma:I don't know...
Emma:OK,I'm in. I've only had 2 customers since the movie started anyway,and one of them just wanted to use our bathroom.
Zuri:You don't have a bathroom.
Emma:I know. Don't walk behind the building.
(scene changes to the penthouse)
(Luke walks to the kitchen from the door)
Mackenzie:I'm really glad you invited me over,Luke,but you seem kinda edgy.
(Luke closes the dumbwater)
Luke:Sorry.There's this girl who has a creepy obsession with me,and she keeps breaking in. (to phone)Note to self,get a lock for the dumbwaiter.
Mackenzie:Oh,you must mean Connie. She's my roommate at boarding school.
Luke:Wait,so you do know her? I thought she made that up to get between you and me.
Mackenzie:Oh,don't be silly. Connie wouldn't come between us. She's totally over you. She even took down her shrine to you last month.
Mackenzie:But don't worry...I dug it out of the trash.
(creepy music plays)
Luke:Oh. I,uh... I wasn't worried...(nervously)but I'm starting to get there now.
Mackenzie:I made this for you. Try it on.(shows a necklace to Luke)
Luke:How nice of you. Are these pearls?
Mackenzie:No,they're my baby teeth.
Mackenzie:Aw,you don't like that one? (shows tweezers) I guess I'll have to make you another. (puts the tweezers close to her teeth)
Luke:Connie was telling the truth! You really are mad!
(Luke runs,but Mackenzie gets him and Luke looks at Mackenzie nervously)
Mackenzie:Mad about you! We were meant to be together. I will never leave your side. (stops holding Luke) The only question is...(pulls out handcuffs)Which wrist do you want the handcuff on? Right?(puts handcuffs on right arm) or Left?
Luke:Excellent question...let me think about...HELP!!!
Connie:(from the living room)I'll save you,Luke!(enters the kitchen)
(Mackenzie and Connie fight together. Connie pushes Mackenzie first,and then puts handcuffs on her hands while they are behind her body. Luke is watching the fight.)
Connie:I've been wanting to do that ever since you snagged the top bunk in our dorm room.
Jessie:Connie? I knew you were still after Luke! A creepy leopard doesn't change its creepy spots!
Luke:No,you're wrong! Connie's the one who saved me! Mackenzie really is Mad Mac!
Mackenzie:Is it mad to want to handcuff myself to the love of my life so we never spend a moment apart?
Connie:I see where you're coming from,but yeah.
Mackenzie:(to Luke)Nothing can keep us apart!(to Connie)Connie,my bag,please.
(Connie puts Mackenzie's bag on her neck)
Mackenzie:(to Jessie) By the way,I really love your sweater! (to everyone) I'll be back! (runs to door) Believe it or not,this isn't the 1st time I've had to open a door this way.
Luke:Oh,we believe it.
(Mackenzie leaves the scene)
Jessie:What do they put in the water at your boarding school?
(scene ends,advertisement break airs for TV watchers)
(scene changes to the park)
(Emma and Zuri laugh)
Emma:That movie was hilarious.
Zuri:An astronaut buddy-cop movie. Who says Hollywood is out of fresh ideas?
Emma:Oh no,look! I can't believe I left this place alone for 5 minutes and all the food got stolen.
Bertram:I know,crazy. If you can't trust New Yorkers at night in Central Park,who can you trust?
(scene changes to penthouse)
Luke:Connie,thank you for coming to my rescue.
Jessie:Yeah,I'm almost glad you broke into the penthouse...again. How do you get in here so easily?
Connie:Well,I could tell you,but then I'd have to end you. Sorry if that came off as creepy. You know,sometimes I just can't help myself.(laughs)
(Luke's cell phone beeps)
Luke:Ugh. Mad Mac tagged me in a video post.
Mackenzie:(in the video)Hi,Luke. So sad that Connie interrupted our date earlier. Can't wait to finish what we started. Soon you'll be mine...FOREVER! (cackles)
Jessie:On top of everything else,she's one of those people with a really annoying laugh.
Luke:Wait,are those my shoes? And my skateboard? And that's my half-eaten calzone from last week! All those things are...under my bed!
Jessie:Do you know what this means? The video is coming from inside the house! (pauses) Is that my diary?(points)
Luke:Uh,not everything is about you,Jessie!
Connie:Mad Mac is upstairs! I'll get her,Luke!
(Connie runs upstairs,followed by Jessie and Luke.)
Luke:Dibs on the calzone!
Jessie:Dibs on my diary!
(scene changes to Luke's room)
Connie:No sign of Mad Mac. (sniffing) But I can still smell her evil stench.
Luke:Oh,I think that's just my dirty gym clothes. (sniffs and gags)
Connie:Guys,look! The window's open!
(Jessie and Luke go to the window)
Luke:She couldn't have gone out the window,we're like,30 stories up! Unless...Mad Mac is Batman.
Jessie:What did you ever see in him?
(Connie points her eyes up)
(door slams,while a note is on the door)
Jessie:(gasps)"You will be mine,Luke. Connie,you can't protect him forever!"
Luke:(rolls over to Connie)(quickly)Connie,please protect me forever!
Connie:I'm here for you,Luke. Jessie,I'll keep an eye on him. You clear the penthouse,then go down to the lobby and do a perimeter search of the building.
(She gives Jessie a walkie-talkie.)
(Jessie and Connie talk to each other on the walkie-talkies.)
Jessie:Roger,roger. Copy that,good buddy.
Connie:Breaker,breaker. Got your ears on?
Jessie:10-4. What's your handle?
Luke:Focus! I'm being hunted here!
(Ravi enters the scene)
Ravi:So,Connie,I am going to show you this scrapbook I kept of our time together,and prove we dated.
Connie:Look,if there's anyone who knows about delusional relationships it's me,but we never happened,guy.
Ravi:Oh,we happened! Look! A ticket stub from that Mumford & Sons concert I took you to. (not shown) A doodle you did on a napkin. (shown) A lock of your hair-
Connie:I gave you a lock of my hair?
Ravi:It is not important how I got it.
Connie:Can you take him with you? He's starting to creep me out.
Jessie:He's starting to creep you out? You dressed as Luke for Halloween. And stayed that way till Christmas.
(Scene changes to park)
(people clamoring in front of the Empire Skate Building)
Emma:This is terrible! Boomer trusted me,and now all we have to feed this starving mob are ketchup packets and lettuce!
Zuri:And Bertram! We can slather him in ketchup,to buy ourselves some time!(pushes Bertram)
Bertram:Remind me never to crash-land in the Andes with you.
Emma:(gasps)I know how we can still make money! Let's do what they do at those fancy restaurants Mom and Dad take us to,where they serve small portions of weird food.
Zuri:I hate those places. Their menus don't even have mazes on them!
Emma:Excuse me,ma'am,can I interest you in a petite leafwich? It's the latest culinary craze. Fresh lettuce in a lettuce bun finished with a dollop of our house made tomato confit.
Zuri:We don't have tomato confit!
Emma:But we have ketchup.
Bertram:Hey,Emma,if it helps,I found a potato chip under the counter.
Emma:No,you found...(smashes the potato chip)40 pommes chipettes! (serves a petite leafwich) Bon appetit! That's French for $11,please!
(scene changes to the elevator)
Jessie:Connie,no sign of Mad Mac down here. We're on our way back up. Over.
(elevator thuds and breaks)
Ravi:Well,that was ominous. Call Tony and see what is going on.
(Jessie takes out her phone,but her battery is gone.)
(scary music plays)
Jessie:Oh no,my battery's gone! Mad Mac must have done this. She's gonna make her move. We have to get back up to the penthouse and save Luke!
(Ravi takes out his cell phone,but his battery is gone.)
Ravi:Mine is gone,too! No wonder I have not received any calls.
Jessie:Yeah...that's why.(looks up)
(scene changes to penthouse)
Luke:(nervously)Connie...where are you...?
Connie:(not seen)Luke! Help! Mac's got me!
(Luke walks out to the terrace)
(door slams suddenly)
Connie:(scary)Welcome to our wedding!
Connie:I understand. I too am disappointed that some of your mannequin family didn't fly in for our special day.
(Luke shakes his head nervously)
(Scene ends,advertisement break for TV viewers)
(Scene begins,scary music continues)
(Luke tries to open the door,but it is locked)
Luke:Connie,you said you were over me. Nothing out here says "over me"!
Connie:Don't you shout at me in front of the relatives.
(Mackenzie enters the scene)
Luke:(gasps)Mad Mac! Connie is trying to get me all to herself! Maybe you two should fight over me. Leaving me time to escape,after I watch for a second.
Mackenzie:Get a clue. This was all a set-up. Connie was never my roommate. And,quite frankly,you're not my type.
Luke:Wait,so you were just pretending to like me the whole time?
Luke:I don't get it. You see the freckles,right?(points to his freckles)
Connie:Luke,Mac is an actress that I hired to scare you right into my waiting,loving arms.(stares at Luke)
Mackenzie:I also sing.(gives Luke a card)Mostly sweet-sixteens. The occasional quinceanera.
(Luke gives back the card to Mackenzie)
Mackenzie:Well,time to settle up. My day rate is $550 and I was out of pocket for the handcuffs,so,let's call it an even $600. $650 and I won't tell anyone where you got those baby teeth.
Connie:(to Mackenzie)How about I just tie you up instead?(carries a rope)
Mackenzie:(nervously)Never mind,$600 is good.(ends up at a tree/dead end)
(scene changes to elevator)
(Ravi is on Jessie's shoulders trying to get up to the top of the elevator)
Ravi:The fact is,Connie and I actually ended our romance on good terms. And now she claims she does not even remember me? ( Ravi slides up on jessie's head). ( jessie moves her head up) ( Ravi weights jessie's head back down) Jessie smiles)
well,forget that noise! I want my Mumford & Sons concert T back!
Jessie:Ravi,get over it! Connie clearly has.( Ravi slides up on her head again)
( Ravi's crotch is grinding into her head) Jessie and Ravi both grunt)
Jessie:OK Now pull yourself up!
Ravi:Apparently you are not familiar with my lack of upper body strength.
(Jessie and Ravi switch positions)
Jessie:(grunting) Now push me up.
Ravi:(grunting)Apparently you are not familiar with my lack of lower body strength either.
(Jessie steps on Ravi's head,and makes it to the top)
(scene changes to penthouse balcony)
(Mackenzie is tied up by Connie)
Mackenzie:Please let me go! I promise I won't tell anyone!
Connie:(not seen)You're not going anywhere. (seen)You need to be a witness at our wedding!
(Luke leaves the balcony via the fireplace)
Mackenzie:That's not fair! If your groom doesn't have to stay,then why do I?
Connie:Ooh,I like a guy who plays hard to get.
Mackenzie:(struggling)Man,I really should've gone to the bathroom before I came over here.
(Scene changes to the penthouse living room)
(Luke pushes the down elevator button quickly)
(The elevator doors open,but there is no elevator so Luke almost falls)
(Luke turns back to Connie,who is at the fireplace)
Connie:What are you doing,Schmoopy?
Luke:Wishing I had a parachute!
(Luke runs to the kitchen and Connie is watching him run)
(scene changes to the kitchen)
(Luke is screaming when he is running to the door)
(Luke opens a door,but the door is blocked with a wall after he opened it. It has a message on the wall.)
Luke:"You're not going anywhere,Lukie Pookie!" She's creepy and a general contractor?
(Luke runs to the TV room)
(scene changes to the TV room)
(Luke watches the TV)
Connie:(on the TV)For our kids,I'm thinking Hermione for a girl,and Lukie-Pookie,Jr. for a boy.
(Luke screams and runs away from the TV)
(Scene changes to the park)
Emma:We did it!
(Zuri,Emma and Bertram use cheers for ketchup and drink ketchup)
Zuri,Emma and Bertram:Mmm!
(Boomer enters the scene)
Boomer:Emma? Why does it look like my shack went 30 rounds with a tornado?
Emma:I promise I can explain. It was... it was...uh...
Zuri:Uh,trolls! Trolls did it! You know,they're not as cute and innocent as they look on the end of a pencil.
Emma:Thanks,Zuri. But the truth is,I left the shack unattended for just 5 minutes to watch a movie,and it got robbed.
Bertram:In Emma's defense,it was a hilarious last 5 minutes.(chuckling)Although not so hilarious now.
Emma:Boomer,I am really sorry. I know I made a huge mistake. But I tried to fix it-
Boomer:No. The mistake was mine for trusting you. You're fired.
Emma:But-But I really love this job. Can't you just give me another chance?
Boomer:Nope. Life is like boxing,you only get one chance.
Emma:But what about re-matches?
Boomer:OK,so it's nothing like boxing. Just go.
(Emma and Zuri leave the scene)
(Boomer wipes the counter)
Bertram:FYI,you just wiped away a side order of pommes chipettes. Kiss that four bucks good-bye.
(Scene changes to Luke's room)
(Luke runs to his closet and closes the door)
(Connie enters the scene and looks for Luke)
(Luke closes the shades and turns off the light in the closet)
Connie:Come out,come out,wherever you are! Surely you wouldn't be stupid enough to hide in...THE CLOSET!(opens the closet door)
(Connie enters the room)
(Luke is hanging onto the side of the wall near the ceiling)
(Connie searches for Luke,but she does not look up)
Connie:Where are you? We need to discuss whether we're gonna send our kids to public or private school.
(Connie leaves the room)
(Music stops simultaneously with the door closing)
(Luke walks down the wall)
(Luke crashes into his toy robot that makes laser firing noises and gasps)
(Luke shakes the toy and it stops making noises)
(Jessie opens the door)
(Luke screams and throws the toy at Jessie)
Luke:Jessie,where have you been?
Jessie:Oh,just climbing up an elevator shaft to save you from that psycho Mad Mac. You know,typical boring Friday night.
(Connie gets up from Luke's bed)
Luke:It's not Mac,it's her!(points to Connie)
(Connie is bouncing on the bed)
Connie:Hiya,Jessie! I know it's a short notice,but would you be a bridesmaid at our wedding?
Jessie:I know Creepy Connie was still creepy! My first clue should have been-every single thing she's ever done.
(Connie blows a dart to Luke and it hits him)
(Connie blows a dart to Jessie and it hits her too)
Jessie:(normal)Huh. I wonder if this ever happened to Nanny McPhee. (faints)
(Scene changes to terrace where Jessie wakes up while tied up)
(Jessie struggles to get out and looks at Mackenzie)
Jessie:Mad Mac? What is going on?
Mackenzie:Just know,I'm an innocent bystander in all of this. And by that,I mean I'm an actress Connie hired to dupe you all.
Jessie:Wait,so you mean...the was an acting gig in my own home and I still couldn't book it? Ugh,this is definitely a low point in my career. Ravi?
(Ravi is tied up)
Ravi:Hello! I got the elevator working.
Jessie:And you didn't go get help?
Ravi:I wanted to save the day.
Jessie:And how'd that work out for you?
Ravi:Well,Connie overpowered me and...oh,that was a rhetorical question.
Jessie:OK,I will get us all out of this. Everyone is going to be fine.
(Connie pushes Luke while Luke is tied up in a cart)
(Ominous version of Wedding March plays)
Connie:(singing)Here comes the groom...
Connie:I caught him in his room
He is a cutie
His name is Lukie-Pookie
Jessie:Correction. Luke's a goner.
Luke:This is a nightmare. I didn't even get a bachelor party.
Mackenzie:Connie,this has to stop. You've gone to far.
Connie:Another peep from you,and you'll find out how far my fist can go into your face!
Mackenzie:I'm sure you two will be very happy together.
Connie:(pulls her hand out)(in an accent)(clears throat)(Uses her hand as her mouth)I am Reverend Chucky. We are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
Luke:(no accent)You realize that this is one of the many,many,MANY reasons we call you creepy.
Jessie:We actually made a list. It's 12 pages. Single spaced.
Connie:(accent)If anyone has any objections to this marriage,speak now,or forever hold your peace.
Mackenzie:I still have to pee!
(Connie puts tape on Jessie's,Mackenzie's,Luke's,and Ravi's mouth)
Jessie,Mackenzie,Ravi and Luke:(muffled yelling)
Connie:(no accent)Great! Now,let's get to the good stuff!(accent)With the power vested in me by the great state of Minnesota,you see,Minnesota is where I'm licensed.(no accent)Get on with it,Chucky!(accent)Yeah!OK!OK! I now pronounce you man and wife.
Jessie and Mackenzie:(muffled grunting)
Connie:(normal)Ah,more guests! You know what that means... MORE PRESENTS!
Emma:Where are you registered? Bedlam,Bath and Beyond?
Zuri:I hope her "something new" is a life coach.
Bertram:Let's be honest. This is like the 10th weirdest thing to happen on this terrace. Put me down for beef at the reception.(sits down)
Connie:Wrap this thing up,Reverend Chucky.(accent)You may now kiss the groom.(normal)Don't mind if I do.
Emma:You think you're having a bad day?
(Boomer enters the scene)
Emma:I just got fired!
Boomer:(not seen)Emma,are you here?(seen)Ah,we should talk about what happened tonight...
Jessie,Luke,Mackenzie and Ravi:(muffled speaking)
Boomer:Connie,you release all these people right now! You know how much your mom hates it when you take hostages!
Connie:Oh,Uncle Boomer,can't it wait till after the honeymoon?
Boomer:You gotta knock it off. You have so many restraining orders,there's basically only three places in New York City where you can stand.
Connie:Oh,okay. You're no fun.
(Connie takes the tape off Mackenzie and frees her)
Mackenzie:(grunts)Connie,I want you to know,I am dedicating my life to getting you back for all this. Right after I use the bathroom. (leaves the scene)
(Connie frees Jessie)
Jessie:Ow. I'm getting you back too,for making me wear this hideous bridesmaid's dress.(takes a paper)Although,if another role comes up,here's my resume. Scaring men is one of my special skills.
(Scene changes to living room)
Jessie:So,Boomer,we're really glad you showed up,but...why did you show up?
Boomer:Well,I think I was too hard on Emma. Consider yourself re-hired.
Emma:Because you realized that even though I made one teeny mistake,I'm still the best employee you've ever had?
Boomer:No,because people keep asking for a petite leafwich and I have no idea what that is.
Emma:It's a lettuce leaf with ketchup that we sold for 11 bucks a pop.
Boomer:Dios mio! You are the best employee I've ever had.
Boomer:Well,we better be going.
(Luke pushes Connie in a cart while tied up)
(Ravi and Mackenzie enter the scene)
Mackenzie:Hey,you still owe me $600.
Connie:Sorry,I spent all my money on the wedding. I love you,Lukie-Pookie! Good seeing you again,Ravi.
Ravi:Ha! I knew you remembered me!
Connie:I did the whole time. I was just embarrassed that I had dated you.
Ravi:It still counts!
Luke:Good riddance,Creepy Connie.
Connie:Don't call me Creepy Connie! Call me Creepy Connie-Ross! (laughs hysterically) All you single ladies,get ready for the bouquet. Oh! (throws a flower)
(Connie,Ravi and Mackenzie leave the scene)
Jessie:(catches the flower)Ha! It's mine,hah! Better not take down those decorations on the terrace,'cause Jessie's gonna lend herself a man.(tosses the flower)